Mexican't.

Editor's Note: This post is purely my personal opinion on a popular restaurant chain. We should be able to enjoy all of the food we pay for - whether it be a fast food chain or a Michelin starred restaurant.

I want to take a minute to talk about big corporate chain restaurants. In London, these seem to be the places that attract a lot of tourists because people like familiarity and that they know what they're going to get. Often these chain restaurants are owned by a larger group. The one I want to talk about particularly today is The Restaurant Group PLC that own Frankie and Bennys, Garfunkels and Chiquito (to name the most well known). 

I must admit I've never been to a Garfunkels but when I was younger (2005 - 2008 era) I did enjoy Frankie and Bennys and Chiquito. Frankie and Bennys has continued to remain just about acceptable to me, but I felt that Chiquito had seriously declined in quality. I hadn't given it a chance for quite a few years, so when the opportunity arose to visit, I thought I had better give it one final chance. 

"Here at Chiquito we’re passionate about food! Our dishes are made with the tastiest of ingredients, packed full of flavour to really tantalise your taste buds. Whether you’re looking for a tasty treat or a light bite, our menu features this and much, much more! Sizzling specials, hot fajitas or Mexican favourites for the more adventurous."

Rob and I booked at table for 6pm on Saturday night at the Leicester Square branch. No stranger to a constant stream of people, this location should run like a well oiled machine. We thought booking at 6pm was a safe bet as this is very early for a Saturday night dinner in the capital. Arriving in Leicester Square (a place we usually avoid like the plague) was an ordeal in itself and we had to fight out way through hoards of tourists to reach the restaurant.

We arrived a little early (5.50pm) and were sent to the bar by a friendly hostess and told that our table would be ready by 6pm and that we should come back when our taser-like alarm thing started vibrating. The restaurant itself was already heaving and had a nice atmosphere, my hopes were on the rise. But standing at the bar, waiting to be served we noticed that the till said something a little unusual - "Welcome to Frankie and Bennys".

That was not a good sign. Rob and I exchanged looks that were a mixture of amusement, confusion and dread. The time hit 6pm and we hadn't been served for drinks yet, let alone alerted that our table was ready. The bar was packed and it did make me feel like I was vying for attention in a club, not a restaurant. Being a person of small stature, situations like these can be more than a little intimidating. We were finally served and I paid about £10 for a large Monte Verde Sauvignon Blanc from Chile and a Corona. I was hoping for a tequila based cocktail - but at £8 a go and watching the amount of alcohol going into these cocktails, I decided that I'd better not.

The Sav Blanc was a little bit rough, but I felt like I needed a soft wine-y pillow for what was to come. As a relatively patient woman, I decided I would give them until 6.15pm before I went to ask about our table. We were summoned at 6.10pm. It could have been worse, but considering how early it was, I worry how long we could have been waiting had we arrived a few hours later.

Our table was acceptable and our waiter was actually very good. I want to stress now that his service was excellent and I couldn't fault him at all. He could do so much better. Having just released a "new spring menu", they've also had a menu overhaul in terms of design and actually they looked pretty smart. The length of the menu, however, was terrifyingly long. You all know my opinion on overly long menus.

We were also presented with a dish of popcorn. I'm still totally flummoxed by this now. Back in the 'good ol' days', you were brought complementary chips and salsa. This was screaming corporate cutbacks. What was worse was that the popcorn tasted like Doritos. It was just utterly perplexing. Despite my rumbling stomach, I couldn't bring myself to really eat this.



So let's talk about the food. We ordered 3 starters between us, a main each and desserts. This came to about £50 without drinks. £50 is quite a large chunk of money for us, so you'd hope that it would be well worth that cost.

Round One: Starters

Ordered:

• Proper Garlic Bread (£4.95)
• "Our take on a classic! Our garlic flatbreads are oven baked and oozing with garlic & herbs. Choose to have yours with or without cheese."
• Nachos for One (£4.95)
• "An individual portion of tortilla chips, stacked high and covered in Texan cheese sauce, jalapeño peppers and melted cheese. Topped with guacamole, sour cream and salsa"
• Deep Filled Potato Skins with BBQ Pulled Pork and Cheese (£5.45)
• "Scooped, baked and filled to the brim. Choose your filling of chorizo, sweetcorn & cheese, sweetcorn & salsa or BBQ pulled pork & cheese" 

Firstly, I just want to say -since when was Pulled Pork a Mexican dish? One of the main issues I have with Chiquito is their branding as a Mexican restaurant. They serve so many American dishes that they would be much better off calling themselves a Latin American restaurant. Also, what defines "proper" garlic bread? In any case, this came with the weirdest tasting garlic butter we've ever eaten - neither of us could put our finger on what the odd taste was. The flatbreads were extremely doughy and not a pleasant texture. The Nachos for One were potentially the highlight of my meal. The only thing I would say about this was that they were inoffensive. The Potato skins were also pretty inoffensive, but one of my potatoes had a huge black growth on it. Don't expect any actual meat texture from the pulled pork either.

Round Two: Main Courses

Ordered:

• Baked Enchiladas (£13.95) - Spicy Chicken Variety
• "Three rolled flour tortillas baked in the oven, filled with Texan cheese sauce and your favourite filling. Topped with our signature tomato sauce, melted cheese, sour cream and guacamole. Choose your filling: Veggie five bean chilli V , beef chilli, spicy chicken or BBQ pulled pork"
• South Western Meatballs (£13.95)
• "Seasoned pork & beef meatballs in our signature tomato sauce served over sliced peppers, onions and Mexican spiced rice. Topped with sour cream, salsa and guacamole."

Up to this point, I had tried laughing off a dire situation but this is where it started to get grim. Rob's enchiladas had barely any sauce and on trying a bite, I just got a mouthful of something that tasted like cardboard and had the texture of wood chips. The presentation of my dish was just appalling with an explosion of what I will assume is parsley. Where do I begin with the meatballs? I felt like I was eating the leftover remnants of someone's castration. The smooth texture was alien and they were sickly sweet. The "tomato sauce" was nowhere to be found and the entire thing was covered in their "go-to" triad of guacamole, salsa and sour cream. The rice was dry. I did enjoy the few onions I found lurking underneath my meatballs. I couldn't finish it, it was just abysmal. Poor Rob ate his - I think he was just very, very hungry.

Round Three: Desserts

Ordered:

• Churros (£4.95)
• "Delicious soft dough, fried until crispy and golden. Sprinkled with cinnamon sugar and served with a pot of chocolate flavour sauce for dipping."
• Golden Nugget Cheesecake (£5.45)
• "Chocolate & smashed honeycomb cheesecake topped with chocolate coated golden nuggets."
• Vanilla Cheesecake (£5.95)
• "Smooth vanilla flavour cheesecake topped with red berry compote and served with vanilla flavour ice cream."

We love churros. They are one of our favourite sweet things. They are also hard to get wrong. But guess what? Despite a tasty cinnamon sugar coating, the insides weren't cooked through. This left us with a nice crispy outside but filled with uncooked, gooey dough. The chocolate dipping sauce didn't really taste of anything - not even chocolate. The decorative strawberries were clearly well past their best. I attempted to order the Golden Nugget Cheesecake but was informed that I couldn't have that because it was "too frozen". Great. So I opted for the plain version. I have never seen such a gelatinous coulis.  We nicknamed it "the polyfiller cheesecake" - where is my buttery biscuit base? Awful texture, awful flavour. Disgusting.

I also spent most of the evening lightly sweating (a rare occurance for me - someone who is always cold) and every time an order of fajitas was brought out, the smell of burnt toast filled the air. I was constantly worrying if I was having a stroke. My poor taste buds had not been tantalized, they had been tortured.